Hmmmm....if only I could figure out how to do the pictures! ahahahhahah
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
30 day photo challenge
I kind of smiled when Diana posted on her first day that as of then, she was caught up. LOL. Then over the 4th, Andrea and Diana talked me into joining the fun....so now the race to catch up! So far, so good! (not)
Hmmmm....if only I could figure out how to do the pictures! ahahahhahah
Hmmmm....if only I could figure out how to do the pictures! ahahahhahah
Friday, April 15, 2011
The Silver Lining
Things aren't always as bad as you think they are.
I'm talking about Bill's Parkinson's. He doesn't realize how much it affects me, or maybe he does, I don't know, but it is something we don't talk about too much. It's just there. Like my cousin put it, it's the white elephant in the room.
Bill's symptoms were very mild at first. Or so we thought, until his true symptoms were pointed out to us. But his new med has made most of his symptoms better. His mind is a little clearer, his gait more even, it doesn't hurt when he writes anymore, and his right arm isn't quite as stiff. All good news. But his tremor? Worse. The only thing at this point that tremors is his right arm. It was just a faint tremor at first, barely noticeable. But now, it's more pronounced, more constant, and well, that white elephant. It's unnerving to me. I try not to notice how intense it sometimes is, or how it feels when he has his arm around me. I try not to look at the big picture, and just try to take it a day at a time. Bill is still Bill, and he's doing very well. I concentrate on that.
Today, we went out to dinner, and I noticed the lady at the table next to us had Parkinsons. At first, it was just her arm, like Bill. But as time went on, I noticed her tremors never stopped, and it was not one arm, but two. Later on, I noticed that both her legs also had tremors. Her body never seemed to be at rest. Her face had the 'mask' that Parkinson sufferers sometimes wear. But what was the most disturbing to me, was when she stood up. The tremors in her legs didn't stop. She was standing there looking for something, just shaking all over. It stopped when she started walking, which was good, but I still felt very bad for her. She was probably in her 60's somewhere, mid at the most. But she looked older.
It definitely made me take a step back and count our blessings. Yes, Bill has Parkinson's. Yes, it was devastating when we found out, but we've learned to deal. We've learned a lot. Today, I learned that it could be so much worse, and I reach up and thank God that for now, it's only a tremor. Bill still smiles...he still laughs, he works, plays on the floor with Jake, and our life has not really changed that much. This is all very, very good.
I will continue to take things one day at a time, and with God's help, look for the positive in everything we do. You know the old saying, 'Behind every cloud there is a silver lining'? There's a lot to be said about that silver lining.
http://www.pdf.org/en/pd_comm_news/release/pr_1302215208
I'm talking about Bill's Parkinson's. He doesn't realize how much it affects me, or maybe he does, I don't know, but it is something we don't talk about too much. It's just there. Like my cousin put it, it's the white elephant in the room.
Bill's symptoms were very mild at first. Or so we thought, until his true symptoms were pointed out to us. But his new med has made most of his symptoms better. His mind is a little clearer, his gait more even, it doesn't hurt when he writes anymore, and his right arm isn't quite as stiff. All good news. But his tremor? Worse. The only thing at this point that tremors is his right arm. It was just a faint tremor at first, barely noticeable. But now, it's more pronounced, more constant, and well, that white elephant. It's unnerving to me. I try not to notice how intense it sometimes is, or how it feels when he has his arm around me. I try not to look at the big picture, and just try to take it a day at a time. Bill is still Bill, and he's doing very well. I concentrate on that.
Today, we went out to dinner, and I noticed the lady at the table next to us had Parkinsons. At first, it was just her arm, like Bill. But as time went on, I noticed her tremors never stopped, and it was not one arm, but two. Later on, I noticed that both her legs also had tremors. Her body never seemed to be at rest. Her face had the 'mask' that Parkinson sufferers sometimes wear. But what was the most disturbing to me, was when she stood up. The tremors in her legs didn't stop. She was standing there looking for something, just shaking all over. It stopped when she started walking, which was good, but I still felt very bad for her. She was probably in her 60's somewhere, mid at the most. But she looked older.
It definitely made me take a step back and count our blessings. Yes, Bill has Parkinson's. Yes, it was devastating when we found out, but we've learned to deal. We've learned a lot. Today, I learned that it could be so much worse, and I reach up and thank God that for now, it's only a tremor. Bill still smiles...he still laughs, he works, plays on the floor with Jake, and our life has not really changed that much. This is all very, very good.
I will continue to take things one day at a time, and with God's help, look for the positive in everything we do. You know the old saying, 'Behind every cloud there is a silver lining'? There's a lot to be said about that silver lining.
http://www.pdf.org/en/pd_comm_news/release/pr_1302215208
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Feb, 3, 2001
Such passion, right? I listen to this song, and seriously, it makes my pulse race. Ten years ago today, I married Bill Leiper. I remember it like it was yesterday. Like it is supposed to be. We went to the Little White Wedding Chapel via limo, and we celebrated our love together. Just us. I will never forget when Pastor Stone...with his very thick southern accent, instructed us to walk down the aisle of the Red Room. He told me to take Bill's arm. He then said, "Hang on dahling, cause it's for life!". Okay, at first I panicked a little, but I took Bill's arm, and as the music started, proudly walked down the aisle as well, no one watched.
It was full of passion, love, and so much, desire, if you will, to just be together. To share our lives, our kids, our home. There was so much to see, to learn, to digest...it was overwhelming! But from the minute our friendship developed into more, we just knew...
In the ten years that we've been together...we have done so much. Bill changed my life in such a way, that I never even knew existed. Our first anniversary, was totally the most romantic weekend of my entire life. NYC. Belvedere Hotel. Cabaret at Studio 54. Brunch at The Park Plaza. I remember thinking as the door man whistled for the cab...I could get used to this!
Of course, that was just one crazy weekend...then reality set back in! HA!
Bill and I have lived a lifetime in the ten years that we've been together. We've seen our kids through the "gray" area, we've married a few off, we've become grandparents, and we've been through that thick and thin they talk about on your wedding day. When I talk about life being a roller coaster, I ain't just whistling dixie! It goes fast, up and down those hills, and sometimes I feel Bill is barely hanging on to the end car, legs flapping in the wind! Now there's an image, isn't it! We've bought a home...and it was so perfect! We had parties, and milestones, and reached our highs and lows. We moved across the country! We became empty nesters together. (He got me Max to soften the blow! LOL). We've gone to counseling. We've been on cruises. He showed me places I never thought I would see, and I know there is more to come. He made me believe that I do deserve to have a great life. A great guy. A great marriage.
With our marriage, we packed in a lot of baggage. We've dumped a lot of it out...we learned to just shut it out and look at what we have going for ourselves. It isn't always easy. It isn't always hard. It sometimes, just isn't.
Along with the ten year anniversary, comes a little baggage. My ten year anniversary with Ron, was the beginning of the end for us. It's funny, but even now, I have little flashbacks of the little signs that I begin to see on that 'anniversary trip' we took to 'celebrate'. I've noticed that I have been very hesitant to do anything for this anniversary. This ten year mark. This milestone. I realized that this is why. Some of that baggage still lingers...even twenty years later. Even after ten years of marriage. Even after Ron's death.
But, Bill being Bill...can always make me feel...worthy. He brought home a beautiful anniversary ring for me tonight. It replaces the band we got married in...but it's like renewing the next ten years. I loved the ring, but it was weird as I really didn't want to take off that little band. The band he bought for us in CT as he came to AZ to meet me so that we could go to LV to get married. See...always the roller coaster. I wore that little band proudly until we picked out my diamond when I moved, and I've worn them both every day for the last ten years.
Bill has always wanted to make me happy. Whatever I wanted, came first beyond anything. So, today, after kind of a rough day of 'flashbacks', and with the beautiful ring and all it stood for...I then listened to 'our song'. Let's Stay Together. First by Al Green. The first time Bill came out to visit, we went to a little bar at the Smugglers Inn and listened to music. It took a few drinks, but he finally wanted to dance. This was the song we danced to...and it became our song. But mostly, because of what the song said, it's meaning, it's passion. I can still picture us on that dance floor, all smoky, looking into each other's eyes, and just feeling those words. Today, our anniversary, this song still rings very true. We've stayed together...whether times were good or bad, happy or sad. Listening to it, I felt those feelings I felt for Bill waaay back when, when he made me feel brand new. I realized that he still does.
Things have changed. Fires have dwindled, and life has come at us fast...sometimes too fast. We got caught up in it. But we still have each other...we are still good friends, we still laugh together, have fun together, experience life together, and yes, love each other. Life changes...marriages changes, but I guess...you just have to take a minute every so often and listen to the words of your song. It's almost like renewing your vows.
Ten years. We done good. Can't wait to see what the next ten will bring.
From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/al-green-lyrics/let_s-stay-together-lyrics.html]
I'm, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
It's alright with me
'
Cause you make me feel so brand new
I want to spend my life with you
The same things (?), baby, since we've been together
Ooh, loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue
Ooh, baby, let's, let's stay together
Loving you forever
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad
Why somebody, why people break up?
Oh, turn around and make up
I just can't see
You'd never do that to me (Would you, baby?)
So to be around you is all I see
Is what I want us to
Let's, we ought to stay together
Loving you whether, whether times are good or bad, happy or sad
Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether times are good or bad, happy or sad
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 in Review.
2010 has been exactly like the name of my blog describes...a roller coaster. I'm happy to say that it has mostly been good things, happy and fun things, but like life usually promises, it had it's dips, too!
First and foremost, is my role as Grandma. I love it. The year started out with a new granchild in our lives, Jessica. She was born on January 5th, and she is such a cutie! Meeting her the following April, embedded her into my heart forever. She's cute, sweet and already had such a personality. Although since then, I only see her on facebook, she still pulls at my heart strings and we work hard at being a part of her life. (Even if that only means sending toys and clothes!).
I also met Muchi, Nancy's little foster child. She's was two at the time, kind of shy, but totally adorable. The first time she came up to me and called me Grandma...well, it was all over. I am happy to be there for her, as is "Grandpa" and both of us are very happy and proud of Nan for taking this sweet child (and her sisters) into her life and giving them the kind of home every child deserves.
Then, there's Jake. Since he lives here in town with us, we get to see him almost every week and watch him grow. He is such a delight! It's awesome to watch him change and grow, and see his personality develop. He babbles constantly (like his mommy) and I know once his words develop, well there will be no stopping him! Since he has been here (2 days) he has learned "ow" and "doggie" and "what doing?". He may have known some of them already, but it's the first time I've heard them. His happy little "Hi" makes us laugh every time. He chases Max like a wild man and loves Elmo like a one year old. He loves to read and play with his toys and has a new love of blocks! Jake has changed my life, and this has been one of the best years of my life! There's more to come and I can not wait!
Tony is back in college! It makes me happy, and more importantly, it makes HIM happy! He seems to be into it and might have just found "his" field. I wish I could tell you what that field was, but I'm not sure! LOL. It's something with microchips in a computer. He's doing well, that's all that matters!
Andrea and Chad have had a usual first year of parenthood. Trials and tribulations! We've all been throught that though! I'm proud of the mommy that she is, wife and teacher. If only I could get her to clean her room! But that's an age old problem! hahahah. Just kidding! Watching Chad with his son melts my heart every time. They love each other so much!
One of the dips in our year has been Bill's diagnosis. It has been very trying, and something that has been not easy to digest, for either one of us. Sometimes I feel like it's the white elephant in the room. His tremor is pretty noticeable at this point, and his neurologist is trying hard to keep it from progressing. His new med has changed him in many ways, all for the better. It's funny how things had been different for him, and we had no idea why, and just kind of chalked it up to old age! LOL. But he feels good, and has more energy and spunk, and he's really more like the 'old' Bill he once was! For that, we are grateful.
Meg and Nancy are loving their lives with their prespective families. They are both working, and being mommies. We are always so happy to hear about them! The oldest daughter has moved to IL and trying to start a new life. It's been a hard road for her. We keep her in our prayers.
Other than that...well I got to see my brother this year. That was fun! I hadn't seen him in awhile. I have a new nephew Jayden, who's a doll! I'm content with my job, such as it is, and Bill is doing well in his! I am thankful to work with such lovely ladies who are my friends, and not just my coworkers. Plus, I love my doc. She's awesome in so many ways, (and crazy in so many others!) I wish her well as she embarks on her journey of having two girls, one which is two!
I look forward to having a year full of fun surprises and adventures. Bill and I reach our ten year mark together! Our marriage has totally been that roller coaster ride of which I speak...but I wouldn't have it any other way! Ups, downs, and even some loop-de-loops, but that is the story of our life! And you know what? It's okay! It's awesome!
I look forward to hearing Jake say, "Grandma" this year. Or Grammy. Or Nana. Or I love you. I look forward to it with all my heart! Plus watching him develop into that special little boy that I know he will be.
I look forward to seeing the CT clan! Whether they come here, or we go there...I can't wait to see them!!! I miss them more than they will ever know.
I look forward to 2011. May the ride be less bumpy, but continue to be full of thrills! Without that...life would be boring.
Happy New Year. May 2011 bring you peace, love and happiness. Enjoy the ride!
First and foremost, is my role as Grandma. I love it. The year started out with a new granchild in our lives, Jessica. She was born on January 5th, and she is such a cutie! Meeting her the following April, embedded her into my heart forever. She's cute, sweet and already had such a personality. Although since then, I only see her on facebook, she still pulls at my heart strings and we work hard at being a part of her life. (Even if that only means sending toys and clothes!).
I also met Muchi, Nancy's little foster child. She's was two at the time, kind of shy, but totally adorable. The first time she came up to me and called me Grandma...well, it was all over. I am happy to be there for her, as is "Grandpa" and both of us are very happy and proud of Nan for taking this sweet child (and her sisters) into her life and giving them the kind of home every child deserves.
Then, there's Jake. Since he lives here in town with us, we get to see him almost every week and watch him grow. He is such a delight! It's awesome to watch him change and grow, and see his personality develop. He babbles constantly (like his mommy) and I know once his words develop, well there will be no stopping him! Since he has been here (2 days) he has learned "ow" and "doggie" and "what doing?". He may have known some of them already, but it's the first time I've heard them. His happy little "Hi" makes us laugh every time. He chases Max like a wild man and loves Elmo like a one year old. He loves to read and play with his toys and has a new love of blocks! Jake has changed my life, and this has been one of the best years of my life! There's more to come and I can not wait!
Tony is back in college! It makes me happy, and more importantly, it makes HIM happy! He seems to be into it and might have just found "his" field. I wish I could tell you what that field was, but I'm not sure! LOL. It's something with microchips in a computer. He's doing well, that's all that matters!
Andrea and Chad have had a usual first year of parenthood. Trials and tribulations! We've all been throught that though! I'm proud of the mommy that she is, wife and teacher. If only I could get her to clean her room! But that's an age old problem! hahahah. Just kidding! Watching Chad with his son melts my heart every time. They love each other so much!
One of the dips in our year has been Bill's diagnosis. It has been very trying, and something that has been not easy to digest, for either one of us. Sometimes I feel like it's the white elephant in the room. His tremor is pretty noticeable at this point, and his neurologist is trying hard to keep it from progressing. His new med has changed him in many ways, all for the better. It's funny how things had been different for him, and we had no idea why, and just kind of chalked it up to old age! LOL. But he feels good, and has more energy and spunk, and he's really more like the 'old' Bill he once was! For that, we are grateful.
Meg and Nancy are loving their lives with their prespective families. They are both working, and being mommies. We are always so happy to hear about them! The oldest daughter has moved to IL and trying to start a new life. It's been a hard road for her. We keep her in our prayers.
Other than that...well I got to see my brother this year. That was fun! I hadn't seen him in awhile. I have a new nephew Jayden, who's a doll! I'm content with my job, such as it is, and Bill is doing well in his! I am thankful to work with such lovely ladies who are my friends, and not just my coworkers. Plus, I love my doc. She's awesome in so many ways, (and crazy in so many others!) I wish her well as she embarks on her journey of having two girls, one which is two!
I look forward to having a year full of fun surprises and adventures. Bill and I reach our ten year mark together! Our marriage has totally been that roller coaster ride of which I speak...but I wouldn't have it any other way! Ups, downs, and even some loop-de-loops, but that is the story of our life! And you know what? It's okay! It's awesome!
I look forward to hearing Jake say, "Grandma" this year. Or Grammy. Or Nana. Or I love you. I look forward to it with all my heart! Plus watching him develop into that special little boy that I know he will be.
I look forward to seeing the CT clan! Whether they come here, or we go there...I can't wait to see them!!! I miss them more than they will ever know.
I look forward to 2011. May the ride be less bumpy, but continue to be full of thrills! Without that...life would be boring.
Happy New Year. May 2011 bring you peace, love and happiness. Enjoy the ride!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Jacob Scott Todd turns ONE!!!
Today is the big day, Jake's first birthday! I just spent the day with my little man, and he is a precious, adorable, hilarious, inquisitive, smart, wonderful little character, whom I love with all my heart. Spending the day with him meant everything to me, and I want to thank Andrea for allowing to share this day with them, as well as my job!
Jake has blossomed from a baby, into a toddler! When the heck did that happen? I noticed it at his birthday party. He was interested and aware of everything that was going on, just loving all the "firsts" that were happening. He loved his presents, and would make that precious "O" face...his look of surprise. He played with everything, and everyone, and smiled, laughed and ate! Boy can that kid eat! He had his cake, he had his spaghetti....he fed himself and he just enjoyed his day! I know I enjoyed every minute of that party, as we watched the little one year old in all of his amazingness!
I guess I just want to say that Jacob has come into my life and as I predicted on the blog I wrote just one year ago...he has changed my life. Being a grandmother is amazing...ten times better than I ever imagined. Being a parent is hard! So much responsibility, so many decisions to make, mistakes, accomplishments...oh so much stuff! Grandparenthood...well it's a whole other ball game. It's kisses, and loveys, and hugs, and treats and presents and joy and laughter. It's all the best parts of being a parent. I totally am loving it and feel blessed to have this little man in my life. He is everything to me.
As his personality changes, I look forward to his tying shoes, and riding bikes, kindergarten and beyond. I look forward to hearing him say "Grandma" for the first time, and running up to me, arms spread, happy to see me! I look forward to his walking, then running, then sports and accomplishments. His first crush, first movie, first date. So much to look forward to, but I think for now...I'll just enjoy his being ONE!
Happy Birthday, Jake! Grandma loves you VERY MUCH!!!!!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
October
I can almost hear the groans..."Here she goes again!"
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know you know. You know my family is very into raising some bucks, and walking for the cure. I think that a mammogram is essential to a woman's good health and CAN save your life. Regardless of the BS you hear in the media, on the internet or from your friends.
The other day, a woman told me she hadn't had a mammogram in 10 years. She was about my age. We talked, and I gave her my mini spiel. Mini because I don't have a lot of time...she needs to get into a room. So I have about as long as it takes for my blood pressure machine to do it's thing. "It can save your life", I say. "Early detection is the key to survival." She answers, "Yes, but there are false positives!" False positives? False positive breast cancer? I said, "Maybe there are times that something may looks not quite right, and the radiologist feels that it needs further investigation. Sometimes, it turns out to be nothing, and so if this is what you consider a false positive, then it's what you root for, what you hope for. Do they tell you it's cancer when it's not? No. Never. If they tell you it's cancer...it's cancer." She looked at me as if I was crazy, but with doubt, as if maybe, all these years, she had misunderstood. My blood pressure machine beeped, and off we went to the room. I filled out a form for the doctor to finish the job of convincing her to make an appointment. She left with it in hand, and I hope that, in the end, she follows through.
I feel definitely that most women still fear the mammogram. Women are notorious for not being proactive in their own healthcare, Moi included. Not knowing is sometimes better. There's a million excuses. Bad experience with a mammographer. I get that. I had that last time, and seriously, am reluctant to go back. But it's October! I'm a hypocrite if I don't get it scheduled. A few of my own excuses? I don't have a doctor. I can't get off work. I HATE getting my boobs squished into oblivion, and I FEAR being called back for additional views. Because that is soooo scary for me. So, yes, I know what the above lady is speaking of...false positives. It scares you to death. Last time I had a false positve...I cried the entire time I was getting it done, and as I waited in the dressing room for them to tell me they had a clearer view, I could go.
I remember when my mom was diagnosed. I remember her going for the biopsy...then the mastectomy the same minute. Can you freaking imagine going into the surgery, waking up and your breast is gone? I can't. There was no options for her. Radical mastectomy...then radiation, then chemo. Then re-occurrence. Then it metastasized. Gallbladder. Liver. Bones. Chest Wall...then Brain. From diagnosis until she went to heaven was 1.5 years. I wanted her to get better so bad. I wanted her to be okay. I wanted her to be a survivor...but...it wasn't meant to be. It was detected too late. My mom died. She never got to see me or my sister get married. She never got to meet her seven grandchildren. Her eight great grandchildren. She never got to baby-sit or applaud their accomplishments. Her life was cut short. By breast cancer. By being unaware.
Ignorance is not bliss. It's murder.
Self breast exams. Mammograms. Yearly gyno checks, so a doctor can lay hands on your breasts. Just do it.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know you know. You know my family is very into raising some bucks, and walking for the cure. I think that a mammogram is essential to a woman's good health and CAN save your life. Regardless of the BS you hear in the media, on the internet or from your friends.
The other day, a woman told me she hadn't had a mammogram in 10 years. She was about my age. We talked, and I gave her my mini spiel. Mini because I don't have a lot of time...she needs to get into a room. So I have about as long as it takes for my blood pressure machine to do it's thing. "It can save your life", I say. "Early detection is the key to survival." She answers, "Yes, but there are false positives!" False positives? False positive breast cancer? I said, "Maybe there are times that something may looks not quite right, and the radiologist feels that it needs further investigation. Sometimes, it turns out to be nothing, and so if this is what you consider a false positive, then it's what you root for, what you hope for. Do they tell you it's cancer when it's not? No. Never. If they tell you it's cancer...it's cancer." She looked at me as if I was crazy, but with doubt, as if maybe, all these years, she had misunderstood. My blood pressure machine beeped, and off we went to the room. I filled out a form for the doctor to finish the job of convincing her to make an appointment. She left with it in hand, and I hope that, in the end, she follows through.
I feel definitely that most women still fear the mammogram. Women are notorious for not being proactive in their own healthcare, Moi included. Not knowing is sometimes better. There's a million excuses. Bad experience with a mammographer. I get that. I had that last time, and seriously, am reluctant to go back. But it's October! I'm a hypocrite if I don't get it scheduled. A few of my own excuses? I don't have a doctor. I can't get off work. I HATE getting my boobs squished into oblivion, and I FEAR being called back for additional views. Because that is soooo scary for me. So, yes, I know what the above lady is speaking of...false positives. It scares you to death. Last time I had a false positve...I cried the entire time I was getting it done, and as I waited in the dressing room for them to tell me they had a clearer view, I could go.
I remember when my mom was diagnosed. I remember her going for the biopsy...then the mastectomy the same minute. Can you freaking imagine going into the surgery, waking up and your breast is gone? I can't. There was no options for her. Radical mastectomy...then radiation, then chemo. Then re-occurrence. Then it metastasized. Gallbladder. Liver. Bones. Chest Wall...then Brain. From diagnosis until she went to heaven was 1.5 years. I wanted her to get better so bad. I wanted her to be okay. I wanted her to be a survivor...but...it wasn't meant to be. It was detected too late. My mom died. She never got to see me or my sister get married. She never got to meet her seven grandchildren. Her eight great grandchildren. She never got to baby-sit or applaud their accomplishments. Her life was cut short. By breast cancer. By being unaware.
Ignorance is not bliss. It's murder.
Self breast exams. Mammograms. Yearly gyno checks, so a doctor can lay hands on your breasts. Just do it.
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