Sometimes, my job, really is over the top.
Yes, there are those good points, I get to see the miracle of happy couples making life! It's so much fun to see these mother's every month, watch them grow and anticipate their babies arrival. When all goes well, it's awesome. It's almost as if we're in it together....and in the end, they get the baby...but I get to meet the little bundle, and it's always an incredible feeling.
Sometimes, things don't go so well. Sometimes it takes a little more effort for that little life to grow and become that same said bundle. More than not, the end result is the same, but the process is harder. To me, it's watching God take over, and guide the mother through this process, teaching her to just...trust. In Him, and in her doctor. It's not always easy, but it's a miracle to watch.
But sometimes, things are just beyond my ability to comprehend. I truly believe that the 'making of Life' is truly God's call. It's His miracle. Although, not all pregnancies end (or even start) with a happy ending, but there is a reason behind it all, even if one doesn't always understand. Usually, they don't.
Yesterday, a patient was having a miscarriage. Her second in a very short period of time. She was truly inconsolable. Although she hadn't really lost the baby as of yet, she was anticipating the miscarriage. I tried so hard to get her to...trust...but she couldn't grasp it. She just cried and cried, and as I told her to hang onto the positive, she really didn't believe there was that side. She was bleeding. The end. I told her about Andrea and her bleeding. No. She told me that she knew she would lose the baby, she knew it would come out and no one would understand what it feels like to flush her baby down the toilet. Ouch. Ew. I went to God. In my profession, we really aren't supposed to go there with the patients, but at this point, I needed Him as much as she did. But she didn't hear. She lost the baby today. But she brought the products of conception in. She didn't flush it down the toilet. But she had a hard time handing it over to us. It's hard to understand the pain that sometimes this miracle of making life can cause.
This story reminded me of earlier in the year, when someone had brought in her product of conception that she had lost. She was 14 weeks along. Second trimester. The fetus was whole. It had hands, fingers, toes, eyes, ribs...it was literally one of the saddest things I'd ever seen. I cried for that little life. I prayed for it's soul. It was an image I will not soon forget, if ever.
Now, the crux of the reason I am writing this blog. Today, same day, we had SIX new patients who were newly pregnant. All happy, all good news. One patient, about my daughter's age, came in and was very excited. She had struggled to get pregnant, and in fact, was put on Clomid, a drug used to "push' egg making. She was a bit of a prima donna, as most Scottsdale patients are. Put off by blood drawing, and the probe used in the ultrasound. But she seemed happy, seemed excited. As it turns out...after her ultrasound, she had two babies in there! Twins! Sometimes with Clomid, this happens...not always, but it happens!
She left, looking overwhelmed with her news. This isn't unusual...people usually are shocked at first! Two newborns, can you imagine? Two of everything! Wow. Unfortunately, she was so overwhelmed, she decided to terminate. TERMINATE? What?? I COULD NOT wrap my head around this one. Seriously, who goes through the trouble of counting her cycle days, finding out when she ovulates with an ovulation kit, taking blood work on certain days of the month, taking Progesterone, and Clomid on the days indicated in the plan, having timed intercourse....and then when she gets pregnant, wants to KILL it?? Because it's inconvenient? Are you kidding me? Okay, so she wants to go through some procedure where they try to only take one of the fetuses out...but it puts the other one at risk. All i could think of was the little girl who cried about her baby she flushed down the toilet...or the hundreds of women just in our office, who can't conceive, and I swear, I wanted to VOMIT! I was so angry at this selfish, self-absorbed woman, who can't see a blessing when it's right on the moniter in front of her! She WANTED this pregnancy! Why? If the one she decides to let live survives, how will she look her in the eye? How will she not look in the baby's face and not see the one she didn't let live? Will the surviving twin feel empty? Will she know? I can't fathom it. CAN'T!
I wonder if it's too late to in life to change careers. I'm thinking....cupcake store.
