Hello. It's my yearly 'this is why I do it' blog. Why October is so important to me, and why I feel breast cancer awareness is the key.
Of course, it all starts with my mom. I know that I've told this tale many a time. My mom with advanced breast cancer. How it was found in the advanced stages because she ignored the lump. She let it go. Everything else was more important than the lump. That's how my mother was. She always put my dad and us before anything else, including her health. She was...Mom.
I blamed her not surviving on it being so long ago. There weren't so many ways to save the breast, to beat cancer, to win the war. She had a radical mastectomy. They just took out everything...lymph nodes, breast, and then some. They weren't as advanced in their medical technology as they are these days. If it had been later, I always think, it might have ended differently.
I did the 5k Race for the Cure last weekend. Surrounded by white and pink...by supporters and survivors. One of Andrea's friends mom was walking with her daughter, and i noticed as they raced away, that the mom had on a sign that said, I celebrate, 25 years. 25 years ago, she got breast cancer and survived! 25! My mom died 32 years ago. In my mind, that didn't seem so far apart. In my mind, and at that moment, I believed my mom could have survived. She didn't have to die. She didn't have to leave us at 46, to miss my wedding, and the births of my kids. Her precious great grandchild. But she didn't. Because she waited. Because she wasn't aware. She didn't know enough about breast cancer, and lumps and mammo's and how EARLY detection was the key.
The reality of that moment, was a bitter pill to swallow. It hurt. For a moment, I was 19 again, the age I was when my mom was diagnosed. I was filled with despair, fear, and...understanding. My mom didn't have to die. I then felt resentment. My mom didn't have to die.
Only God knows if this is true or not. She may have died. Even if when she first felt the lump, and wondered what it was, even if she had gone to stupid Dr. O'campo, she may have died. Even if we had a better FP doc, one who recommended yearly mammograms, she may have died. Even if way back then, early detection was the key, she may have not been a survivor. But...she may have been. She may have been.
So, I will continue to harp on 'saving the tata's'. Feel your breasts, get to know those girls. If anything is different, go to the doctor. Even if it's nothing...it's better to be safe than sorry. Because it doesn't just affect you...it affects all of those around you. Not just for a day, or a month, or even a year. But for a lifetime.
I miss you, Mom. I wish I had been able to save you. I wish you had shared more with me. I wish you had told me that you had a lump, that you were scared, that you didn't know what to do. I may have only been 19, and I might have been scared and unsure, too, but we could have put our heads together to figure it out. We could have had more time together. We might have had the great relationship as adults that i have with my own daughter. I wish...it could have been different.
Feel your breasts, get your exams, and get your mammograms, even if you don't like them. Then, tell your mom to do the same. Your best friend. Your sister. Your daughter, your neighbor. Spread the word, so everyone is aware. I can't stress it enough. Early detection is the key.
