2010 in Review.

2010 has been exactly like the name of my blog describes...a roller coaster. I'm happy to say that it has mostly been good things, happy and fun things, but like life usually promises, it had it's dips, too!

First and foremost, is my role as Grandma. I love it. The year started out with a new granchild in our lives, Jessica. She was born on January 5th, and she is such a cutie! Meeting her the following April, embedded her into my heart forever. She's cute, sweet and already had such a personality. Although since then, I only see her on facebook, she still pulls at my heart strings and we work hard at being a part of her life. (Even if that only means sending toys and clothes!).

I also met Muchi, Nancy's little foster child. She's was two at the time, kind of shy, but totally adorable. The first time she came up to me and called me Grandma...well, it was all over. I am happy to be there for her, as is "Grandpa" and both of us are very happy and proud of Nan for taking this sweet child (and her sisters) into her life and giving them the kind of home every child deserves.

Then, there's Jake. Since he lives here in town with us, we get to see him almost every week and watch him grow. He is such a delight! It's awesome to watch him change and grow, and see his personality develop. He babbles constantly (like his mommy) and I know once his words develop, well there will be no stopping him! Since he has been here (2 days) he has learned "ow" and "doggie" and "what doing?". He may have known some of them already, but it's the first time I've heard them. His happy little "Hi" makes us laugh every time. He chases Max like a wild man and loves Elmo like a one year old. He loves to read and play with his toys and has a new love of blocks! Jake has changed my life, and this has been one of the best years of my life! There's more to come and I can not wait!

Tony is back in college! It makes me happy, and more importantly, it makes HIM happy! He seems to be into it and might have just found "his" field. I wish I could tell you what that field was, but I'm not sure! LOL. It's something with microchips in a computer. He's doing well, that's all that matters!

Andrea and Chad have had a usual first year of parenthood. Trials and tribulations! We've all been throught that though! I'm proud of the mommy that she is, wife and teacher. If only I could get her to clean her room! But that's an age old problem! hahahah. Just kidding! Watching Chad with his son melts my heart every time. They love each other so much!

One of the dips in our year has been Bill's diagnosis. It has been very trying, and something that has been not easy to digest, for either one of us. Sometimes I feel like it's the white elephant in the room. His tremor is pretty noticeable at this point, and his neurologist is trying hard to keep it from progressing. His new med has changed him in many ways, all for the better. It's funny how things had been different for him, and we had no idea why, and just kind of chalked it up to old age! LOL. But he feels good, and has more energy and spunk, and he's really more like the 'old' Bill he once was! For that, we are grateful.

Meg and Nancy are loving their lives with their prespective families. They are both working, and being mommies. We are always so happy to hear about them! The oldest daughter has moved to IL and trying to start a new life. It's been a hard road for her. We keep her in our prayers.

Other than that...well I got to see my brother this year. That was fun! I hadn't seen him in awhile. I have a new nephew Jayden, who's a doll! I'm content with my job, such as it is, and Bill is doing well in his! I am thankful to work with such lovely ladies who are my friends, and not just my coworkers. Plus, I love my doc. She's awesome in so many ways, (and crazy in so many others!) I wish her well as she embarks on her journey of having two girls, one which is two!

I look forward to having a year full of fun surprises and adventures. Bill and I reach our ten year mark together! Our marriage has totally been that roller coaster ride of which I speak...but I wouldn't have it any other way! Ups, downs, and even some loop-de-loops, but that is the story of our life! And you know what? It's okay! It's awesome!

I look forward to hearing Jake say, "Grandma" this year. Or Grammy. Or Nana. Or I love you. I look forward to it with all my heart! Plus watching him develop into that special little boy that I know he will be.

I look forward to seeing the CT clan! Whether they come here, or we go there...I can't wait to see them!!! I miss them more than they will ever know.

I look forward to 2011. May the ride be less bumpy, but continue to be full of thrills! Without that...life would be boring.

Happy New Year. May 2011 bring you peace, love and happiness. Enjoy the ride!

Jacob Scott Todd turns ONE!!!

Today is the big day, Jake's first birthday! I just spent the day with my little man, and he is a precious, adorable, hilarious, inquisitive, smart, wonderful little character, whom I love with all my heart. Spending the day with him meant everything to me, and I want to thank Andrea for allowing to share this day with them, as well as my job!

Jake has blossomed from a baby, into a toddler! When the heck did that happen? I noticed it at his birthday party. He was interested and aware of everything that was going on, just loving all the "firsts" that were happening. He loved his presents, and would make that precious "O" face...his look of surprise. He played with everything, and everyone, and smiled, laughed and ate! Boy can that kid eat! He had his cake, he had his spaghetti....he fed himself and he just enjoyed his day! I know I enjoyed every minute of that party, as we watched the little one year old in all of his amazingness!

I guess I just want to say that Jacob has come into my life and as I predicted on the blog I wrote just one year ago...he has changed my life. Being a grandmother is amazing...ten times better than I ever imagined. Being a parent is hard! So much responsibility, so many decisions to make, mistakes, accomplishments...oh so much stuff! Grandparenthood...well it's a whole other ball game. It's kisses, and loveys, and hugs, and treats and presents and joy and laughter. It's all the best parts of being a parent. I totally am loving it and feel blessed to have this little man in my life. He is everything to me.

As his personality changes, I look forward to his tying shoes, and riding bikes, kindergarten and beyond. I look forward to hearing him say "Grandma" for the first time, and running up to me, arms spread, happy to see me! I look forward to his walking, then running, then sports and accomplishments. His first crush, first movie, first date. So much to look forward to, but I think for now...I'll just enjoy his being ONE!

Happy Birthday, Jake! Grandma loves you VERY MUCH!!!!!

October

I can almost hear the groans..."Here she goes again!"

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know you know. You know my family is very into raising some bucks, and walking for the cure. I think that a mammogram is essential to a woman's good health and CAN save your life. Regardless of the BS you hear in the media, on the internet or from your friends.

The other day, a woman told me she hadn't had a mammogram in 10 years. She was about my age. We talked, and I gave her my mini spiel. Mini because I don't have a lot of time...she needs to get into a room. So I have about as long as it takes for my blood pressure machine to do it's thing. "It can save your life", I say. "Early detection is the key to survival." She answers, "Yes, but there are false positives!" False positives? False positive breast cancer? I said, "Maybe there are times that something may looks not quite right, and the radiologist feels that it needs further investigation. Sometimes, it turns out to be nothing, and so if this is what you consider a false positive, then it's what you root for, what you hope for. Do they tell you it's cancer when it's not? No. Never. If they tell you it's cancer...it's cancer." She looked at me as if I was crazy, but with doubt, as if maybe, all these years, she had misunderstood. My blood pressure machine beeped, and off we went to the room. I filled out a form for the doctor to finish the job of convincing her to make an appointment. She left with it in hand, and I hope that, in the end, she follows through.

I feel definitely that most women still fear the mammogram. Women are notorious for not being proactive in their own healthcare, Moi included. Not knowing is sometimes better. There's a million excuses. Bad experience with a mammographer. I get that. I had that last time, and seriously, am reluctant to go back. But it's October! I'm a hypocrite if I don't get it scheduled. A few of my own excuses? I don't have a doctor. I can't get off work. I HATE getting my boobs squished into oblivion, and I FEAR being called back for additional views. Because that is soooo scary for me. So, yes, I know what the above lady is speaking of...false positives. It scares you to death. Last time I had a false positve...I cried the entire time I was getting it done, and as I waited in the dressing room for them to tell me they had a clearer view, I could go.

I remember when my mom was diagnosed. I remember her going for the biopsy...then the mastectomy the same minute. Can you freaking imagine going into the surgery, waking up and your breast is gone? I can't. There was no options for her. Radical mastectomy...then radiation, then chemo. Then re-occurrence. Then it metastasized. Gallbladder. Liver. Bones. Chest Wall...then Brain. From diagnosis until she went to heaven was 1.5 years. I wanted her to get better so bad. I wanted her to be okay. I wanted her to be a survivor...but...it wasn't meant to be. It was detected too late. My mom died. She never got to see me or my sister get married. She never got to meet her seven grandchildren. Her eight great grandchildren. She never got to baby-sit or applaud their accomplishments. Her life was cut short. By breast cancer. By being unaware.

Ignorance is not bliss. It's murder.


Self breast exams. Mammograms. Yearly gyno checks, so a doctor can lay hands on your breasts. Just do it.

52

No, it's not my 52nd blog. It's not 52 pick-up. It's what I just turned. 52.

I have to admit, I was damned crabby this past week. I don't really know why. I think that it had something to do with not being quite where I wanted to be at this point and time of my life. Where was that, you ask? I have no idea. More settled, i guess, more secure in my future, such as it was. Settled in a career that I LOVE, and that my kids were happy, settled and wise.

I did not intend to still be dipping pee. Weighing people and taking their blood pressures as I listened to them complain about how long they've been waiting, and apologizing for the umpteenth time for the delay, which I have nothing to do with. Nope, I wanted to make a difference. LOL. I wanted to be...different.

But, as it got closer to my birthday, I realized that in all reality, my life isn't all that bad. My parents never got to live until their fifties. They never got to see their daughters grown up, or see where life would take them. They never got to see their grandkids, or live a life for just them. I've outlived my parents, and am pretty lucky in the health department so far. I could be thinner and in better shape. I wish my hair were fuller. But, I have no wrinkles yet, and people mistake me for a lot younger than I really am. I never get tired of hearing, 'there is no way you have a 30 year old!'. Nope, not ever. I feel good about how my kids have turned out, and they truly are my greatest accomplishment, and I am proud of that fact. I've reached grandmahood! I waited so long, but it has been everything I had hoped it to be. Loving, spoiling...and giving back! haahahaa

All in all, life is good. Every day I wake up and breath in and breath out, is a good day. Every time I get to hold my grandson in my arms and hear all the wonderful steps he's taking in his life, is a good time. My children continue to prosper and grow, and become better all the time. It's a joy to watch! Tony going back to school and maybe finding something that he will love doing...Andrea getting her Master's in May...really, I am so proud of them. Watching Andrea and Chad grow as parents and love each other and Jake as they learn how to be a family. Meg and Nancy in CT, with their kids and lives and family, doing well, and just being good at being adults. Plus, I am married to my best friend! Can't ask for better!

I have a lot to be grateful for...and am so very blessed. 52, I can't fight you, you're here, and I embrace the year that is you! We'll see what it brings into my life, and am ready for the adventure!

It's September!

I love September for so many different reasons. It signifies the ending of summer, which in Arizona is a good thing. A 100 days of over 110 degree weather is, well, hell! So even though today was only 105, we have another week or so of the high temps. I'm READY for it to cool down a bit. Come on fall!

Speaking of fall, I just love this season. Even though in AZ it isn't anything close to the awesome autumns in New England, but it's fall nonetheless. Fall is football! Halloween! My birthday! Yay! Fall line up! School starting everywhere, which even though doesn't touch my house too much these days, I still get to hear tales of first days, school supplies and new clothes.

Ahhh, autumn in New England. Fall there signifies colorful foliage (I love that word), cool, brisk days, county fairs and candied apples. Sweater wearing and sitting outside. Fire pits and roasting marshmallows in your back yard. I miss the fall more than anything else excluding family, friends, and NYC! But my husband always bursts my bubble when I am reminiscing about the fall by reminding me it lasts about 2 weeks, there are pounds and pounds of leaves to pick up, and it signifies that the bitter cold is just around the corner. Kill joy!

Then there's my birthday. I kind of like the celebrating of my birthday, although not turning another year older. Of course, putting it that way, I am grateful to turn that year older every year. The alternative kind of sucks! There are a lot birthdays this month. Meghann is turning 25 this year! When I told Anj, she responded by saying, "I just threw up in my mouth a little bit!" LOL. She was just a kid when we met her, and now...a grown woman with a child and man of her own. Wow. Speaking of that man, he also has a birthday this month. Tony. What a nice man, and great addition to our family. We love him! Then there's little Menesha. Nancy's little cutie! She's going to be 3 and I already have her Birthday Dora doll wrapped and ready to go! I can't forget my BFF! She's also turning a year older one week after me! I miss celebrating our birthdays together...we had some wild times!! Here's to more to come!

Then...there's FOOTBALL! We love the football season at our house, not just the game, but getting together over good food and with great company...who cares who wins, right? WRONG! Everybody roots for their favorite teams. Green Bay, New England, the Raiders...everyone likes some one different. It's too fun!

Last but not least, the new TV fall line up! Woot! New Biggest Loser, and all our fav shows. This year we are especially looking forward to it because we got a new TV! Yup, we finally stepped it up to the new century and got a flat screen-HD 50 inch TV. It's amazing!! Those biggest losers contestants are going to look really big on that! Ha ha!

I look forward to a good month...this Sapphire month. Full of good times and new adventures. It doesn't get much better than this. (Well it does, but, you know what I mean!)

Happy September...happy Fall!! Hope yours is filled with many surprises!

Family fun!

I have so many pics, and just never got to put them on facebook (before Andrea beat me to it), so I thought I'd put them in the form of a blog.

First, there's the well deserved first family Father's Day! By that I mean, more than one dad in the group. For Father's Day we went to Andrea's, where they put on quite the spread. Ribs, chicken, beans and salad. All very good, all very yummy. Tony did the BBQing and the food was enjoyed by all! We started with Summer Sauage and WI sharp cheese and crackers. (So, I guess Ron was there in spirit :))




Dad gifts were exchanged....

Grandpa loved this....
...he was almost moved to tears!
Diamondback tiks from Tony. He went on this rampage about how the Diamondbacks suck this year, so his face was a little red when he opened this gift...ahhaha. But we are looking forward to go checking out the new management, and having a fun time with a team he really likes...SF Giants.
Chad with his new movie from the 'in-laws". A gift not worthy of the gift he's given us...but there is no gift that size!

When the sun went down, we packed up the cars and headed to Castle and Coasters for some gaming and mini golf!


The guys got into virtual bowling....
....while Andrea played air hockey
...with Bill! I think Bill won!
Andrea went on to play a little pinball, and got herself a little worked up!
This is what happened! hahhaahha

Next, a serious game of mini-golf!

We all set out with winning in mind!



Andrea definitely had a little bit of a disadvantage.

It was Jake's first time out in an outing like that, and he was a little trooper, even though it was hotter than hell, and when I got my hole in one (that's right!), we scared him when we cheered. LOL. Poor little booger. But he wouldn't go to sleep, he wanted to be part of it all. We've gone during the day since then (an indoor deal) and he loved it. He's so cute! Tony won that round by the way, I think it was the impressive golf shorts! :o)

It was a special day for the first time dad...and for the long distance one. I know Bill was missing his girls, and they were missing him. Even though they aren't right here, on these special family days, I hope they know they are not far from mind or heart. We miss them! (and wish they would move here! Okay, had to throw that in! hahah)

Of course, no blog from this grandma would be complete without some candid Jake pictures. He's really a special part of the G in Grandpa...along with Jack, Jessica and Menisha!! (Wow, how did that happen!)

Peeking out of his big ole' travel system. I don't get those things!

Checking out all the lights in the game room. He loves lights!
Chilling at home in his place! He has a lot of toys! He's very intense when he's playing! haha
He loves his Uncle Tony! They like to chillax together!


I think one day of fun is all this blog can handle!! There is nothing more important to me than these family times...being together, and sharing food, fun and relaxation. Whether it be Father's Day, or just a regular ole' Sunday, these memories we make are priceless, no matter what our age! Never take them for granted, and make as many of them as you can!!

The day in the life at an Ob/Gyn office...

Sometimes, my job, really is over the top.

Yes, there are those good points, I get to see the miracle of happy couples making life! It's so much fun to see these mother's every month, watch them grow and anticipate their babies arrival. When all goes well, it's awesome. It's almost as if we're in it together....and in the end, they get the baby...but I get to meet the little bundle, and it's always an incredible feeling.

Sometimes, things don't go so well. Sometimes it takes a little more effort for that little life to grow and become that same said bundle. More than not, the end result is the same, but the process is harder. To me, it's watching God take over, and guide the mother through this process, teaching her to just...trust. In Him, and in her doctor. It's not always easy, but it's a miracle to watch.

But sometimes, things are just beyond my ability to comprehend. I truly believe that the 'making of Life' is truly God's call. It's His miracle. Although, not all pregnancies end (or even start) with a happy ending, but there is a reason behind it all, even if one doesn't always understand. Usually, they don't.

Yesterday, a patient was having a miscarriage. Her second in a very short period of time. She was truly inconsolable. Although she hadn't really lost the baby as of yet, she was anticipating the miscarriage. I tried so hard to get her to...trust...but she couldn't grasp it. She just cried and cried, and as I told her to hang onto the positive, she really didn't believe there was that side. She was bleeding. The end. I told her about Andrea and her bleeding. No. She told me that she knew she would lose the baby, she knew it would come out and no one would understand what it feels like to flush her baby down the toilet. Ouch. Ew. I went to God. In my profession, we really aren't supposed to go there with the patients, but at this point, I needed Him as much as she did. But she didn't hear. She lost the baby today. But she brought the products of conception in. She didn't flush it down the toilet. But she had a hard time handing it over to us. It's hard to understand the pain that sometimes this miracle of making life can cause.

This story reminded me of earlier in the year, when someone had brought in her product of conception that she had lost. She was 14 weeks along. Second trimester. The fetus was whole. It had hands, fingers, toes, eyes, ribs...it was literally one of the saddest things I'd ever seen. I cried for that little life. I prayed for it's soul. It was an image I will not soon forget, if ever.

Now, the crux of the reason I am writing this blog. Today, same day, we had SIX new patients who were newly pregnant. All happy, all good news. One patient, about my daughter's age, came in and was very excited. She had struggled to get pregnant, and in fact, was put on Clomid, a drug used to "push' egg making. She was a bit of a prima donna, as most Scottsdale patients are. Put off by blood drawing, and the probe used in the ultrasound. But she seemed happy, seemed excited. As it turns out...after her ultrasound, she had two babies in there! Twins! Sometimes with Clomid, this happens...not always, but it happens!

She left, looking overwhelmed with her news. This isn't unusual...people usually are shocked at first! Two newborns, can you imagine? Two of everything! Wow. Unfortunately, she was so overwhelmed, she decided to terminate. TERMINATE? What?? I COULD NOT wrap my head around this one. Seriously, who goes through the trouble of counting her cycle days, finding out when she ovulates with an ovulation kit, taking blood work on certain days of the month, taking Progesterone, and Clomid on the days indicated in the plan, having timed intercourse....and then when she gets pregnant, wants to KILL it?? Because it's inconvenient? Are you kidding me? Okay, so she wants to go through some procedure where they try to only take one of the fetuses out...but it puts the other one at risk. All i could think of was the little girl who cried about her baby she flushed down the toilet...or the hundreds of women just in our office, who can't conceive, and I swear, I wanted to VOMIT! I was so angry at this selfish, self-absorbed woman, who can't see a blessing when it's right on the moniter in front of her! She WANTED this pregnancy! Why? If the one she decides to let live survives, how will she look her in the eye? How will she not look in the baby's face and not see the one she didn't let live? Will the surviving twin feel empty? Will she know? I can't fathom it. CAN'T!

I wonder if it's too late to in life to change careers. I'm thinking....cupcake store.

Mother/Daughter Mother's Day!

Hello! I know I'm a little slow on the draw, but I wanted to tell you about my first Mother's Day as a grandmother...and more importantly, Andrea's first as a mother!

This was an instant of not really knowing what to expect, as I've had no life experience in 'sharing' Mother's Day. Mother's Day was really one of my favorite day's of the year. The day I was recognized and appreciated for all the hard work, struggle and sacrifice I've had to endure in being a mom. Totally worth it, yes, and the good always outweighed the bad, the great moments definitely outshining the not-so-great moments. Happy tears totally outnumbered sad ones.

My kids always went way out of their way to make my day special! Since they were kids! Whether it was making me some pancakes in the morning...to taking me out, the fact that they were making such an effort always made me so happy. Even to this day, the effort is there...even though now that they're adults, just all of us getting together is a huge blessing for me!

But this year...it was a little different. I wasn't the only Mom in the bunch! I didn't want to take Andrea's first Mother's Day away from her. So how did it work? We've never been a big fan of going out with everyone and their mother (yes, pun intended), so we decided to do dinner at home. Tostada bar. We each had our 'assignments' and we worked together in the kitchen and tried hard not to resent the boys watching basketball in the family room. Seriously? It wasn't "Boy's Watching Basketball Day", it was MOTHER'S DAY. Sigh. At one point, as we made the shredded beef and warmed up the homemade beans, Andrea asked, "Is Mother's Day always like this?" LOL. Um, yes. From now on, we fight the crowds and go out!


I got some nice card from them, and nice gifts, including a bracelet with charms that spell "Grandma". Awww. Cute, right? A nice heart sapphire necklace from Tony, and movie from Bill. (One I requested). Heartfelt cards that tell me how awesome I am...gotta love that, right? But my favorite, favorite moment of the day, was watching Chad give Andrea her gifts. Sooo cute! Lots of knick-knacky things, and a muscial snow globe that had an angel, and was inscribed with First Mother's Day. It made her day special, and stand out just a little bit! Yay!



So, all in all, we had a great day, we spend time together as a family, which is my favorite thing in the world. I appreciated all the well wishes from family and friends, but especially the very special cards I got from my stepdaughter Meghann, and the 'Grandma" card from Jess. It meant a lot to me!

The cherry on the top? The Phoenix Suns sweeped the Spurs that night!! But, that's a whole other blog!


(Jake, sporting his orange...of course I had to throw him in here somewhere!)

Lots of fun to share!

I know that most of you keep up with stuff that happens on facebook, so I really don't feel the need to have to blog much these days. But I do miss the writing...the sharing...etc. I don't really like eblog as much as I did blogging on myspace, because on myspace, I could see how many hits I had, people could comment...and it was just more interesting to me. Here, I just feel like I'm talking to myself!

I've been wanting to share this story since Easter. Jakes first Easter at Grandma's was alot of fun. My favorite moment though was when he became way too curious about the platter of ham that was in front of him as he sat on his daddy's lap.



He stared at this platter for so long. It was as if he just couldn't figure out exactly what this strange flat pink stuff was! Plus, it smelled pretty scrumptious! He just kept looking and looking...and got closer and closer....



We were all getting quite the kick out of it...and what I didn't record (and I take pics of everything when it comes to Jake) was when he reached out to touch it. At that point, he wasn't really reaching much, so we got excited that he was reaching. It was after dinner, so it wasn't hot, so he reached out and grabbed at a piece. He didn't take it, but he played with it for awhile. Then...he did what he always does...he put his hand in his mouth. He was so startled by the taste, he started to cry. I mean really cry! It was like he was saying, "What happened to my hand??? Why does it taste that way! I don't like it! Help!!!!" LOL...poor Jake. That was his first taste of real food, and he was not a fan!

Of course, since then...he has started cereal, baby fruit and baby veggies. Guess what? He definitely is a fan! Today I let him try out my Ritz cracher (suck, not chew) and he seemed to like it okay. He really loved his cereal, sweet potatoes and bananas tonight! He even drank water out of a water bottle!





Not to mention he's a hoot in restaurants! Here he is at Si Senor after him and his mommy picked us up at the airport.




My little man is growing up so fast, and developing this awesome personality! Today I heard him laugh for the first time, and it was so awesome! He is a cute little bundle of joy....who just isn't so little anymore. I relish every minute that I get to spend with him and I know he knows that his Grandma loves him very much!!

A night at Grandma Sandy's!

Jake spent the night again this weekend. Bill, or shall I say, Grandpa, and I, love having him here, we just love that little booger so much!! He is adorable, and fun, and sweet, and....a lot of work. Here is the typical 24 hours with our little love.

We start off with playing. Grandpa Bill likes to play "Where's jake...he holds him up, then brings him back down. Next we do a little reading. Jake at only 4 months, LOVES to be read to! It's the cutest thing ever! He loves looking at the pictures, and gets excited at certain parts, and really takes it all in. So, so cute! We read to him when he gets bored, and before he goes to bed.


Of course, there's lots of feedings! Diaper changes! Soothing! Walking! Burping! Changing clothes!


Max is ever the protector of the little guy, and really get's upset when Jake cries. He sits by him as he accusingly looks at me as if to say, Um, don't you hear him?? LOL.
This morning he sat watching TV....and he didn't even care that it is STILL not a flat screen, or that it isn't 73 inches! He happily watched "Happy Feet", a cute little movie about penguins.

Although Jake is still a bit of work, and is teething...and today suffered from constipation (sorry Jake), we enjoy every single minute with him. We have our moments...like when he breaks free of the swaddler! Or there's issues in the diaper changing...or I forget to take the thingie off the nipple and nothing comes out! But all in all, Jake loves it here, and we love having him, and well, we can't get enough! He definitely is our little prince!